Say it OnLy if you mean it.

Saturday, September 30, 2006 at 1:47 PM

day 2. one more day to go and i am already exhausted.. reach home about 11 yesterday and got to sleep only about 12.. i got 5 hours of sleep and it is just not enough... super not enough sleep now.. want to fall asleep and the weather is so nice.. raining and so cooling... how i wish i was at home now and lying on my bed.. =(

had a bad start in the morning... only went out to get breakfast but receive a call from my wonderful supervisor and he reprimanded me.. saying that 2 person cannot go and buy breakfast together... news just pass so fast.. and technology is so advanced... even when the people is not here, they receive the news so fast..

i seriously don't understand... why do people like to be a bootlicker?what do they gain.. in the end they will realise that other people are only using them... you think that they are really treasured? but people just feel that they are happy living like that...so let them be... they choose to live their lives like that.. their miserable lives...

yesterday was so terrible.. wasn't really that busy but i only manage to had my dinner at 10pm.. and by the time i had my dinner, the rice was so hard that i can use it to throw... so.. i only ate about half then today morning when i wake up.. i was extremely hungry.. =.=

i wasted a lot of time.. shall stop...

things are just not right now...

i'm taking forever to forget you.

Friday, September 29, 2006 at 4:38 PM

another boring week... life's really bad for me nowadays... things are always not right for me... i didn't go school on monday and i don't feel like going school for most of the days but i just got no choice...the assignments stuff are all arranged and next week is going to be a busy week..

about school... the business law lecturer is really really very bored.. or rather, the whole lesson is very bored.. then the PMPM is another one... the teacher is funny but... i just lost interest in both of the modules.. i definitely won't be surprise if i fail... everything is just so sucky and so not right... and i didn't went for the PMPM on friday because i don't feel like it.. if this is the way you treat friends then.. so be it.. i am not going to care anymore..

i just feel that i don't deserve any of the things that i am getting... just been giving and giving... not that i want something in return but things are just not fair.. i am not against your way of doing things.. everyone has his/her method of solving things...

mum and dad came home yesterday.. went to watch 'stay alive'.. it was suppose to be a horror movie but i think that it was more of a adventurous movie as it is quite exciting rather than being scary.. maybe the movie is considered scary because of the characters in the movie.. ghosts are seen crawling around, flying around and just flashing around...

i was thinking... if i really have the chance and the cash.. i will really stay at thailand for a very long period of time... i like the country alot, besides the military coup.. at least the people there are very kind... and they don't give attitude to people.. and most important of all, they don't betray people and they are not fake.. at least this is what i think and i think that is already enough...

Natas fair is on for the weekend.. which also means that i will be working full shift... at least i can get things off my mind... don't have much time to think about things... but i think i am going to be super tired... money is hard to earn... and one thing.. i was forced to go to the Natas fair on sunday..i really don't want to go.. 1st of all, it is at expo meaning it is quite far and i will take alot of time to get home.. 2nd, i cannot even bear to stay 1 hour there and if i go on sunday, i have to stay there for 12 hrs!!! i seriously cannot tolerate it but i guess that i will have to go... i asked my supervisor and he say that he will try to ask but i doubt that... it is all my fault for not being able to curry favour and get what he wants...

anyway.. had some good news... we actually had lots of talented people working in the office.. all with either a diploma or a degree and one that i know of is even studying for a doctorate! how cool is that.. but there is only one problem.. their certificate are all not certified.. i am still trying to obtain a normal certificate and jus is trying to get a diploma.. the others are all trying for the degree... not that i don't want to try harder but i just cannot go against my will to do things i don't want..

talking about talent... over here at the office, we have all kinds of talent... sooner or later you will discover them just like what i did..so don't look down on our colleagues.. they are great people with great contributions.. only people which have the same thinking understands what i am saying... and i think only jus will understand.. =)

the people around me are so enthu...how i wish i was like them... but i was like that before.. but if you have been doing the same thing for quite some time... you will get bored.. just like me.. not that i don't enjoy my job.. i like it but i just don't like why people will get to every means just to get what they want... but like what my lecturer say.. there is no shortcut to survival..even if you can get it your way one time, doesn't mean that you will get it everytime...

should finish this post.. getting longer and longer...

i wish you were mine...long,hard days ahead...

i'm taking forever to forget you.

Saturday, September 23, 2006 at 8:23 AM

about a week since i last post... i didn't even on my computer for the past week.. just don't see the need to and don't have the mood...at work now.. nothing do so here i am.. posting.. had my 2 new modules this week.. business law was ok but i think it will be quite difficult... the lecturer seem strict.. at least he is so much better than the PBM lecturer... and then we had our marketing lecturer.. he is so so positive.. keep on smiling... he is nice and he care alot about the students and he does not look at the ceiling when he is talking...

didn't go school for 2 days.. don't know why but i just don't have the mood to... PMS ba... feel so sick and tired of school... somehow.. all this things don't seem that important to me anymore.. don't feel like going to school on monday too.. just plain bored... don't see the need to and i seriously don't feel like going.. school seems so terrible this few days...

yesterday went to town, spend alot of money so i think gotta survive on bread until i get my pay... this happen with poor money management... after that, had to leave nat alone cause my friend ask me to help at the last minute... so i spent about 4 hrs painting a spiderman.. -_-'' i tried to do it nicely but my friend just used the brush and paint everything over.. so much for trying to do things nicely... he just keep saying that if it is too nice then the teacher will not believe that the art piece is done by him.. then in the 1st place should not ask me to help him right? then he say that he meeting sher lin(the best student in art) tomorrow to help him paint too... then might as well don't ask me to help you.. my art not that good either.. mad....

now deciding whether to work tomorrow.. once again.. no mood.. then i have to go to my grandma house cause my uncle ask me to help him get o/w tix.. so i have to pass him that tomorrow... feeling really bored.. don't feel like doing anything...

parents going off to taiwan today... they are so blur.. they even forgot the date they are coming back.. don't know what they are doing.. normally people going abroad will check their stuff properly and make sure that everything is in order and things are going as planned but certainly not them... so they are coming a day later.. but not much difference.. the coming back flight is at 7 plus in the morning..meaning that they have to reach the airport at about 5 plus.. thats total madness.. might as well come back the day before...

somehow, i know that things are going very well between you two.. both of you seem so sweet together.. things are better then i expected.. guess that there is nothing i can do.. i tried and i give up... i don't deserve anything in the world.. nothing.. some things are worth the wait but not in this case... no point waiting for things that you know will not be worth it and you just end up wasting all your time... no point..

waiting for jus... i think which is about another hour.. she works at 10 and now is only 9.. if she is here then she can keep me company so i won't feel so bored... and i also can disturb her.. =) hope that she will pass her supp paper.. it would be really horrible to retake the whole module.. waste time and money.. jus.. one more paper on friday.. so you must do your best ya? jia you!! you can do it if you don't sleep so late everyday..=)

how to be happy when you know that you are not? how to smile when you don't even know how? how to pretend that everything is fine when that is not the truth? how to be friends when you know that you hate each other to the core? how to do everything correctly when things are just not going your way? thats my life... forced to do things that i don't want and i don' t like..

being with you is an miracle... which means that it is impossible..

i'm taking forever to forget you.

Sunday, September 17, 2006 at 11:29 AM

i am practically dying now... i don't want to work till 10.. i started work at 6am.. that will be 16 hours straight.. i rather dont't want the money... i need my sleep more than anything else now.. morning was quite busy and my supervisor just refused to let jus off early.. she work at 6am too!! so biased..

i don't want to work today actually.. because i know that i will be very tired... but since there are alot of coaches and i got jus to accompany me..then i work lor.. since i got her.. i won't feel lonely... had such a heavy breakfast.. feeling so sleepy now.. but nevermind.. jus just bought me a can of nescafe!!! yay!! she is so kind... =)

today morning.. my sis was abnormal.. she talk on the phone till about 5.. then after that, ask her to sleep but she don't want and insisted on watching the tv show... how to watch the show with your eyes half-closed? she is so stubborn.. making me so angry... don't know what she thinking...

i realise that there are alot of mad people around at my workplace..and they always appear on sunday... at first i am quite afraid of them but slowly, i just ignore them because they don't even remember you.. they just say lots of things to anyone that is around them.. but sometimes.. they are also quite pityful... i ever wonder what kind of setback happens to them to make them become like this.. and i believe that they are very lonely that's why they longed for our attention..

today's all customers are so irritating.. ask so many questions.. AFF.. can't they just call and enquire everything first before they come down.. then they don't have to waste their time too.. i don't mind to entertain them when i am in a good mood.. but today is just not the day.. i am already tired enough and i don't have the patience to answer all your questions...

things just aren't what we want them to be...

i'm taking forever to forget you.

Saturday, September 16, 2006 at 7:09 AM

finally exams are over... not so stressed.. but i still got to wake up early... -_-'' don't know why cannot fall asleep yesterday.. keep tossing and turning... slept only about 2 and woke up by 5. so i am very tired now.. kept on yawning and yawning...

overall, the exams was ok.. but i just thought that i didn't study much.. i did what i could anyway.. i just don't have much motivation for this exam.. maybe because of the teacher.. just hope that i can pass.. thats all i wish for...

some things settled.. the way i solve things and what i think is right may not be right for others.. anyway, everything is over.. no point to keep talking about it.. maybe it is my "kponess" that cause all this.. somehow, i am indirectly responsible for how things are now..

starting new module.. don't even have a moment to breathe.. everythings so packed... i would have chose to sleep at home than come to work... not that i don't like work.. but i am tired.. i need some proper rest...

i want to go out and get something.. it has been a long time since i get something new.. i want to go to the movies too... some things can be obtained easily but some things... no matter how hard you work for it, it will never ever be yours...

somehow..things just ended silently... maybe it never even started...

i'm taking forever to forget you.

Friday, September 08, 2006 at 11:53 PM

met up old friends...have not see them for quite some time.. as usual.. ming hui was so late.. making everyone wait for her.. she not shy de.. always the latest to come.. then the earliest to go.. we all are used to it... and she didn't even apologise... so sincere...

took a lot of time deciding what to eat and when we finally finish eating.. we took a lot of time deciding where to go.. -_-'' so in the end wasted alot of time... but we still had alot of fun.. all that crapping and the number of times we had to take a photo just because the picture cannot fit the 4 of us... conclusion.. we wasted alot of time.. we should plan our outing carefully next time..

this week not even over but my programmes are already quite full for next week.. firstly have to go out before friends holiday end.. so everything is planned at next week.. and i also have to study because my econs exam is on friday... and the main thing is that my PBM exam is on monday and till now i haven memorise anything... i am dying soon...

i cannot concentrating posting.. people are disturbing me!!!! i got lots lots of stuff to say but nevermind.. shall continue another time...

the thought of you perks me up... just wish that you were here...

i'm taking forever to forget you.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006 at 11:36 PM

posting cause i think i promised ver that i will post but i didn't so have to post today.. otherwise she say i lie again... been busy the past few days... revising(though i din did alot) working and lots of crapping... today went to watch devil wears prada.. a movie that i longed to watch for a very long time.. was so excited... overall it was not a bad show but i just thought the miranda priestly in the book was more demanding... but it was still nice.. i like it alot..

then went to work after that.. some noisy bitc* was making so much noise..i really would kill her if i could... making all those stupid irritating noise.. really can't stand it... people at her age act alot more mature than she do... maybe we just have to accept the fact of her having a kid brain..a 5 year old thinking?

thinking and thinking.. maybe i will change my mind.. i am tired of caring for people that don't even care... for what must i waste all this time? maybe i should get someone that loves me more than i loves him... tired of all this shit... i am no longer in the game...

as friends, i often wonder if i care too much...i am trying my best to ignore everything and some day even forget about your presence.. i know i am lying to myself but that is the best i can do.. even to be just friends seems to be a too difficult task for me... i still regret everything... i just cannot forgive myself.... i just can't believe it...

i thought i saw you but... everything turns out to be an illusion.....

i'm taking forever to forget you.

Sunday, September 03, 2006 at 10:57 AM

time passed very fast this few days... the POE and PBM lessons are over and the exams are nearer and nearer... kind of busy too.. working and working in the usual morning...and because of the holidays, there have been more buses so i am more busy.... but the best part is that i have not study yet.. i have absolutely no idea what is inside the study book...i seriously hope that i can pass...

slept very early too this few days.. knock off at about 9 to 10 plus.. then yesterday when i was sleeping, ver called me (if i am not wrong cause i am asleep at that time) to ask me to go out.. i cannot really remember the details as i was really tired.. and i don't know if she really called... i am making use of this study week to work more so to earn more...

maybe to you.. you don't what is the meaning of appreciation... no matter what people do for you, you take it for granted and when people are not so good to you.. you take that it is their fault... i seriously think that you should change your mindset... but if you still like to think it that way then i will have nothing to say... maybe that is your actual definition of friendship..

this week schedule is quite full.. almost have something happening everyday... working now.. don't know what is happening today.. the time is passing so so slow... i am practically rotting.. got nothing to do.... going crazy soon...

i just wish that you were by my side...

i'm taking forever to forget you.