Say it OnLy if you mean it.

Sunday, June 10, 2007 at 8:21 AM

finally, i'm able to post. my internet connection is down and i have absolutely no idea how to fix it, so i would have to live my life without it. has been a long time since i was able to go online and do my stuff and right now, it is only made possible cause i am working.

so many things happen this few days, be it important or not. i don't even know when to start.

yesterday, went for the AA heritage drive, reach there at about 7, i've only slept for about 1 and half hour. overall, i enjoyed myself, and i'm sure all of us had too. i think we were the youngest team that took part and out of the 100plus cars that participated, we got the 7th! so proud of ourselves, we didn't expected ourselves to win, all we wanted was to go and have the experience and most important of all, was to have lots and lots of fun.

the whole thing ended at about 2 plus, and then kenneth fetch me home. reach home at about3 and then went to bed almost immediately. i think i slept all the way till this morning at 5. i was so tired and that was about 14hours of sleep. =) it has been a long long time since i was able to sleep like a pig.

but, i'm still feeling tired. probably cause i had too much sleep, my eyes are closing now.

i don't know what i want. i don't know what i am doing. what will happen?

saw him and her at cathay that day. seriously, they have been together for quite some time and they seems so stable. of course i'm not wanting them to break up nor do i want to break them up because i think it would be more than impossible so what i can do is just to wish the both of them happy. seriously, from the bottom of my heart. after all, she is so much better than me. =)

i'm thinking of working in the office more often. since i have some of my afternoons free, i might as well come here and earn money but all this is not confirm, i still need to check my schedule. i just want to earn as much money as possible. there is alot of things that i want to buy and i need to save money too.

i will be home alone from monday to sunday, one full week. not really happy cause i would be alone when i reach home and now that i don't get to go on the net, it would even be more boring. just not fair, my sis going chiang mai. i don't even get to go anywhere furthur than malaysia when i was in secondary school. and she gets to spend a week in THAILAND!

right now, at the current political situation that thailand is in, how to chio people to go with me? i would not mind to go there but i doubt my parents would allow me to go alone. i also thought of going for another thai language lesson but i don't think i would have the time and i would also want to go for the lesson somewhere else.

POM project done. one more HR assignment to go. that due date would be on the 26th Jun if i am not wrong. not going to start now but i am not going to do it last minute too. i've already started a little bit and it is really a little bit.

sleep a little also tired, sleep too much also tired. don't know what's wrong with my body. mad! but i figured out that if i were to sleep through dinner time everyday, confirm can slim down. cause you won't feel tired when you are sleeping and thus would be able to skip dinner. Good idea!

if you say that you are not bothered by it, then why are you constantly talking about it? are you trying to put up a brave front? i don't want to be bothered by it anymore but i just stop myself from thinking about it. every morning i wake up, that would be the first thing that comes up to my mind. and every time i'm sitting there doing nothing and daydreaming, it would also come up to my mind but what am i thinking? i'm asking myself the same question, hoping to get a answer but at the end of the day, the question still remain unsolved. feel like getting a counsellor to answer my questions. i need no advice but an answer.

how and what to do? i don't want to have all this bothering me every single moment, every single day. i'm getting tired of it already. always finding no mood to do things and losing my concentration very easily. what is becoming of me? what do i really want?

40mins till i finish work, after that i stil have tuition. now that my parents are not in singapore, kinda bored.. cause no one i can disturb. not going to grandma house too. so bored.

i have tons of photos to upload but i'll have to wait till the internet in my house is repaired. =(

don't force yourself you love a person because of a deal, do it because you really love her.

i'm missing you.

(spelling checked by kenneth)

i'm taking forever to forget you.