Say it OnLy if you mean it.

Saturday, June 16, 2007 at 9:22 AM

only manage to find time now to post. was kinda busy this morning, 7am was alright but there were more buses at 8am. even though it was very busy, i was basically slacking the whole time. there were 3 guys on shift and plus me. so they were the ones running around and explaining to customers while i am just sitting down doing nothing. i feel bad but nevermind, i'm sure the guys won't mind. =)

i think there is seriously something wrong with me. this few days, i would automatically wake up at about 6plus, regardless of what time i sleep and then i would be spending half of my sleeping time tossing and turning in bed. and even though i have 8 hours of sleep, i would still be very very sleepy and then my appetite is not very good either and sometimes, i would have difficulty breathing or my heart will beat very fast. with all these conclusions, i think there is something wrong with me. any recommendations for doctor? women's clinic preferably.

i think nowadays, the group of us are becoming a little childish. probably cause there is too much hanging around with me, nat and jas. but so, people may be mature or older in age, it doesn't means that they are not to have their childish moments. just like me, i can say that sometimes, i am damm childish but so what, at the end of the day, i am only 18 years of age, turning 19 this year. i know i can be quite irritating at times too.

there are still problems yet to be solved but i hope that it will be done soon. firstly, i don't want my ears to suffer everyday and also i don't want to constantly disturbed by it everyday. i would rather save the friendship than talk about anything else.

oh, and i find out that it wasn't a bad idea to stay at home alone. and now, how i wish i could have had more time alone. it is not that i won't have to go home so early. even without my parents, i would reach home before 9pm. i just like the feeling of going home and relaxing, knowing that no one would be at home and you can do everything alone and the whole house is so quiet and no one to disturb you. so, i should try talking to my mum and sis and see when they can all go holiday together again.

now, talk about my own problems. but i don't know where to start. =.= i think the only thing i can say is, if you are all set to irritate me, i think you've done it already so STOP doing all these, it is not as if i am not suffering enough. how i wish i am able to tell you how i feel but i just don't think it would be possible. the always positive and optimistic me is gone and replaced by a no confident and pessimistic me. recently, i've been thinking about sleeping and then not waking up the next day. i guess i would rather die so i won't have to wake up the next day with so much problems and troubles and constantly having to put up with some other people's tempers. everyone is allow to throw tempers and i am supposed to be the one accomodating them and when i am in a bad mood, they say that i am moody and have a very bad temper. in what way is it fair?

jus not working today and i'm bored. i'm just waiting for time to pass so i can go off. finishing at 4 today. may or may not be meeting jus for dinner today. i'm tired and i have not enough sleep.parents and my deary sis is coming back tomorrow. kinda missed them but then again, don't really missed them.

what is contented? to be with the one you like? to have what you want? or as long as the people around you are happy? smiles are seen everyday but which ones are truly from the heart? people laugh and talk to each other but who knows if they are talking behind their backs?

i'm getting so sick of my life and the way people treat each other. we may say that we don't care about what people say but at the end of the day, we live for other people and it is because of their comments that we change.

无条件为你不顾明天的安稳,为你变坚强相信你的眼神,不敢想不敢问有一天坏的可能.

giving all i have. i'm just hoping for a small return but i guess it will take a miracle.

i'm thinking about you again.

i'm taking forever to forget you.