if i would have know, i seriously would not have watch the Flashpoint. not that it is a very bad movie, it is actually quite well done and the fighting seems so real and all the actions are so cool but then, that is the whole problem. because it is so real, i was like covering my face most of the time and was close to screaming everytime there is a fighting scene. after the movie, i felt so damm stupid. it was as if i was also in the movie. HAHA. now i know why i would have preferred horror movie to suspense movies. i get so anxious and kan cheong. i think ken and jus must be thinking their next movie companion would not be me. i was so so noisy. okay. i got to go for training. next thriller or action movie- rush hour 3, invisible target and perfect stranger. train how to keep my mouth shut and my hands from covering my face.
was looking at the photos that i've took. how i just wish to go for a holiday now. be it with my friends or family. (better with family cause i would not have to pay for anything) that feeling of all being together, getting to taste the local food, having people of different culture around you, speaking in a foreign language that you have no idea what they are talking about and of course the SHOPPING! but most importantly, is to have a great time and to leave the reality for a few days.
perhaps i'm just being evil, i'm always hoping that the both of you will not end up together and the actual fact that you don't really like her. but it seems that i was wrong. you do really loved her and the both of you have come a long way. i was just being childish and thinking that since i would not ever have a chance, then the both of you wouldn't be happy together too.
i miss those times when you will smile at me and tell me what happen during the weekends, i miss those times when you called me and talk to me, i miss those times when you seem so caring. i miss the days when i was angry with you and would ignore you for a few days.
but that was the past. all i can do and all that i'm left is memories. all of this would never happen again. what we are now are no different from acquaintances. always so polite to each other. and probably the next time you call me would be when you need help from me. no more small chats and lame jokes.
there i go again, no matter how many times myself to not bring it up, i always end up doing that. its just that there are to many things that is in my mind now.
kenneth, what do you think i should do? i believe he has tell quite a number of things, he tells everything to almost everyone. but if you have no idea what i'm talking about, then ignore it. i just want to get it out of my mind.
do you think it would be worth it? i've never done such thing before and i seriously feel very stupid. its like being a toy and getting abandoned anyhow, anywhere. why are people like that? why can't they like a person on character or feelings? probably i'm just giving excuses to myself.
our "deal" was a one-sided one. and if you tell me i'm stupid, i'll probably stop myself from falling into it. i'm so tired of starting everything all over again and having to deal with all those heartaches. it is just so horrible. i don't deserve any of that. part of me tells me that he is not the guy that is for me and i'm also not sure that i'm really so into it then why am i so stupid?
probably you may not understand what i'm saying but that is how i feel. mixed and complicated. you ever said that i could come to you when i've problems and probably this would be the only time where i would need your help. there is no one that i can talk to and i hope that you as a guy would be able to understand better. thanks.
there is so much that i can do for people but there is so little that they can do for me.
when will you be able to love someone truely and properly?
my driving licence(it's a miracle!)
a trip abroad with my friends
a brand new job
a word from you
to see you again
good results is a must
work hard to get lots of money
