Say it OnLy if you mean it.

Saturday, January 26, 2008 at 1:37 PM

i love the joy of doing something right for the first time.
i love the joy of making people around me happy.

i love the joy of playing with my youngest cousin brother.

i love the joy of talking and joking about everything else with you.

i love the joy of going out with you.

i love the joy of whispering everything in your ear.

i love the joy of drinking and smiling with you.

i love the joy of understanding the word "satisfaction".

i love the joy of thinking everything that had happened in secondary school.

i love the joy of scoring all As for my examination.

i love the joy of winning a customer in a quarrel and it is all about satisfaction too.

i love the joy of being together with my family.

i love the joy of going on a holiday.

i love the joy of being able to not think about anything and rest.

i love the joy of having time all to myself.

i love the joy of making alot of money.

i love the joy of passing obstacles and proved that i can do it.

i love the joy of having passed my driving my licence.

i love the joy of watching horror movies especially thai movies.

i love the joy of going to thailand and hoping that i can stay there forever.

i love the joy of having a nice dinner with my friends.

i hate the sight of the ugly side of Singaporeans.

i hate the sight of people who are rude and irritating.

i hate the sight of hypocrites.

i hate the sight of people who pretends to know everything.

i hate the sight of my very untidy and messy bedroom.

i hate the sight of indecisive people. (why can't they just make up their freaking

mind?)

i hate the sight of very proud and arrogant people.

i hate the sight of unreasonable people. (especially customers)

i hate the sight of myself in a very bad mood. (pms)

i hate the sight of a rainy day. (especially if we are going to east coast or the beach.)

i hate the thought of trying to forget you.

i hate the thought of you having to suffer everything on your own.

i hate the thought of you constantly being played by her.

i hate the thought of having to work and wake up every single morning.

i hate the thought of going back to school and having exams. (it really sucks.)

i hate the thought of my dad going to Philipines.

i hate the thought of being poor and pathetic.

i hate the thought of being restrained and restricted.

i hate the thought of friends and families being ill.

i hate the thought of being broke. (no money really sucks.)

i hate the thought of getting accused for no reason. (think before you talk.)

i hate the thought of getting a F for my subjects.

i'm still wishing for a miracle.

i'm taking forever to forget you.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008 at 6:20 AM

looking at things at a different perspective can really result to a different ending or a different story. so that's why i always say, everything can be different depending on how you see it.

probably to him, he finds it worthwhile to be doing what he is doing. but sometimes, you will have to look at the situation. it's obvious that people is taking advantage of what is happening and is using you then why is it that you are still so willing to be doing everything for her? somethings are not worth remembering. all your friends are telling you the same thing but there you are, still oblivious to what is happening. what do you want? she has already told you very clearly in the face already and you still so dumb, thinking that what she is doing is correct. so what if you have been together for a long time? to let things become like that simply just means that the relationship is not strong enough to withstand anything. so what is the point of holding it?

probably when it comes to all this things, people that are out of the situation would be able to see it better and clearer. 旁光者清.

studying. i don't know if i still feel like studying. it's not about not having any motivation to study but thinking about to going to school early and not being able to work just dismiss the whole idea of studying. well, not that i like to work, but the money is what entices me, at least i would have money and spend on things i want where else, if i am studying, then i would have to depend on my mum for pocket money and now that i'm already close to 20, taking money from my parents is just too embarrassing. so? i don't know, see how. my parents would definitely want me to take up the course because they feel that without at least a degree in singapore, you would not be able to do anything. i guess i would just have to wait and see.

i do enjoy all those saturdays.

i'm taking forever to forget you.

Wednesday, January 09, 2008 at 11:42 AM

E-mail =)

Come to think of it. we were all very childish aren't we? or rather all the things that i did before are quite stupid. always getting angry at you for no reason and then sometimes so good to you. never thought that i was probably mad? haha. i still remember every thing that happen to us, there was once when you couldn't tolerate me and you wrote a small note telling me that i was really doing things overboard.

for all this, i have to apologise. it's just that at that age, sometimes, doing things really depend alot on mood. and especially when you have a special kind of feeling towards them, you would sometimes throw your temper at them and make them notice you but i think i did quite the opposite right? i think you find me more irritating during that time. haha.

not much of any purpose to write this email to you. just feel like telling what i've been feeling all along. honestly, at that point of time when you were with eileen, i wasn't jealous, i was somewhat just angry with myself cause i felt betrayed. i wasn't told by anyone, but if it was, it would not be that horrible. seeing something that you have not at the least expected was simply terrifying. i even tried to give stupid excuses cause i really could not believe and do not want to believe what had happen at that point of time. i was totally loss of words, i tried hard to talk to you but i can't, and i know i could not talk to her too, that's why i chose to stick with m.h and company after that incident happen.

it has been two years. i can't say i got over you but neither can i say that i still have feelings for you. there was alot of times when i thought to myself, what would happen if one day, you and her got married and i got an invitation to it? would i be able to let go of everything and attend it happily or would i just fake some illness and get away with it? sometimes, when people are too free, they will start to think of all the stupid things.

i know alot of things happen all this while. i know you are not very happy, most probably sad but i really want you to know that there is always this friend beside you. this friend that will just listen to every problem that you have and will try to help you solve it if you let her. i just don't like to know it from other people about what had happened to you. i rather you tell it to me yourself. i don't want to be helpless when people are telling me how terrible you are feeling right now. all i want is to be a listening ear for you. i don't want to be a friend only when you need help. i seriously hate it when you did that. only call me or talk to me when you need help from me. i don't want and i don't need such a friend like that. and i don't think it is that difficult right? after all this years, just something simple from you and it would be enough.

didn't know you were abroad until talking to m.h yesterday. nevermind, hope you are having fun. don't take people's comment to heart. to think on the bright side, probably what she say was for a reason. you'll be fine alright. you have so many friends that are concern about you by your side.

i don't know when you will see this but i hope just this simple email would be able to let you cheer you up and brighten your day. =)

i'm taking forever to forget you.

Saturday, January 05, 2008 at 10:35 AM

things should be fine now i guess. but not me. some things are back and i just can't get it out of my mind. my old ailment is back. i starting to feel very panicky for no reason again. my appeitite is not good too. didn't finish my meals. don't know what is wrong with me. =(

went to watch Warlords on thursday with ken and jus. i think it is a good movie to watch and recommend. but people with weak heart and will faint when they see blood, then i advised you to just watch other movies. next time if we are still going out with ken, i will definitely consider very carefully cause meeting him really drains alot of me and jus's energy. it is like taking care of a small kid. so tiring. hmm. i think he is even worse than a small kid. please grow up ken chai. =)

feeling really very terrible. do not want to post already.

it's just not that same anymore.
i keep asking myself the same question, if i had perservere now, would it be possible?

i'm taking forever to forget you.

Thursday, January 03, 2008 at 7:18 AM

helpless. that's all i can say when my sister is sitting there, with big, fat tears rolling down her cheeks. there was nothing that i can give or do to make her smile. i understand that pain, the losing of loved ones but at the end of the day, he is going to come back! so just bear with it, and get on with life. crying your eyes swollen won't change any fact, it will just make your life more miserable and your face looking puffier and more swollen than ever.

i did experience the same thing before. not being able to control your tears, letting them just flow freely. the feeling is unbearable but it will only make our heart feel better or at least that is what we think so. thinking of what had happen in the past, i was actually quite stupid, crying over such small things but i guess that is part of life, that is what almost everyone will encounter. the relationships between friends, and lovers.

so please, my dear sister, don't cry anymore. it breaks my heart and make me want to cry too. there is nothing we can do to change anything. so why not live your life with full of smiles and laughter everyday while waiting for your love to return? just remember that no matter what, i will be by your side. maybe not in money terms but definitely emotionally and mentally alright. =)

jia you!!! loves.

yesterday was nice and fun.

i'm taking forever to forget you.