Come to think of it. we were all very childish aren't we? or rather all the things that i did before are quite stupid. always getting angry at you for no reason and then sometimes so good to you. never thought that i was probably mad? haha. i still remember every thing that happen to us, there was once when you couldn't tolerate me and you wrote a small note telling me that i was really doing things overboard.
for all this, i have to apologise. it's just that at that age, sometimes, doing things really depend alot on mood. and especially when you have a special kind of feeling towards them, you would sometimes throw your temper at them and make them notice you but i think i did quite the opposite right? i think you find me more irritating during that time. haha.
not much of any purpose to write this email to you. just feel like telling what i've been feeling all along. honestly, at that point of time when you were with eileen, i wasn't jealous, i was somewhat just angry with myself cause i felt betrayed. i wasn't told by anyone, but if it was, it would not be that horrible. seeing something that you have not at the least expected was simply terrifying. i even tried to give stupid excuses cause i really could not believe and do not want to believe what had happen at that point of time. i was totally loss of words, i tried hard to talk to you but i can't, and i know i could not talk to her too, that's why i chose to stick with m.h and company after that incident happen.
it has been two years. i can't say i got over you but neither can i say that i still have feelings for you. there was alot of times when i thought to myself, what would happen if one day, you and her got married and i got an invitation to it? would i be able to let go of everything and attend it happily or would i just fake some illness and get away with it? sometimes, when people are too free, they will start to think of all the stupid things.
i know alot of things happen all this while. i know you are not very happy, most probably sad but i really want you to know that there is always this friend beside you. this friend that will just listen to every problem that you have and will try to help you solve it if you let her. i just don't like to know it from other people about what had happened to you. i rather you tell it to me yourself. i don't want to be helpless when people are telling me how terrible you are feeling right now. all i want is to be a listening ear for you. i don't want to be a friend only when you need help. i seriously hate it when you did that. only call me or talk to me when you need help from me. i don't want and i don't need such a friend like that. and i don't think it is that difficult right? after all this years, just something simple from you and it would be enough.
didn't know you were abroad until talking to m.h yesterday. nevermind, hope you are having fun. don't take people's comment to heart. to think on the bright side, probably what she say was for a reason. you'll be fine alright. you have so many friends that are concern about you by your side.
i don't know when you will see this but i hope just this simple email would be able to let you cheer you up and brighten your day. =)
my driving licence(it's a miracle!)
a trip abroad with my friends
a brand new job
a word from you
to see you again
good results is a must
work hard to get lots of money
